Naughty or Nice?

Caught trying to keep Yuletide gay 


by JSVnaked

When all the other reindeer wouldn't let poor Ruldolf join in any reindeer games, they struck me as being a bit on the snooty side. What's wrong with letting the furry guy have a little fun? This courser clique is obviously drunk with power.

Turns out, however, that the big man himself (Santa Claus) maintains a few party-pooper rules of his own. The clinically obese, semi-retired recluse uses many aliases including that of 'Jolly St. Nick' and reportedly has a belly capable of shaking "like a bowlful of jelly" during laughter. He may be laughing, but his clandestine activities are certainly no joke: skirting airport security; international travel without passport, transit documentation or valid personal identification of any kind; trespassing; property damage (limited mostly to residential neighborhood rooftops); break-and-entry; operation of flight vehicles without FAA clearance; and theft of family foodstuffs represent just a small portion of the alleged modus operandi.

Law enforcement and tax authorities have been unable to question the self-described bishop about his bizarre, annual late-night "business trips" which investigators say originate from a secret base strategically established at or near the North Pole. Being centered in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, the Claus crime empire openly and unabashedly evades all tax and customs collection authorities worldwide, while operating a plastics-heavy manufacturing facility in the heart of one of the planet's most vulnerable ecosystems.

Recently I had an opportunity to visit 'the workshop' as it is called by local elves [themselves suspected by Interpol of being either human-trafficking victims or unpaid child laborers], to further investigate this story.

Mrs. Claus welcomed me warmly but it quickly became evident that she wouldn't (or couldn't) be discussing any aspect of her husband's business affairs. She led me to an open waiting area on the facility's mezzanine level, told me to make myself comfortable and that one of Santa's media liaison officers would be informed of my arrival. Overall, she seemed a remarkably calm and satisfied woman - surprising, given her spouse's not-so-secret reputation of only coming once each year.

My parents had always told my sister and I that Santa Claus could see us throughout the year, even when we were sleeping, so he clearly knew of my preference for nudity and had no problem with it.   Confidently I stripped naked in order to more comfortably endure a facility tour which, it was rumored, could take up to three steamy, un-air-conditioned hours. Repeated delays of unknown origin had kept me waiting more than 90 minutes when three particularly nervous elves silently approached me offering a laptop computer and cigarettes to apparently ease my wait.

They were correct: laptop means internet access, and internet access means porn!

It has always been my experience that pornography has an inexplicable way of making time fly. Eagerly logging on to a few of my favorite fora and tube sites, I reasoned that taking the edge off is best achieved by getting a little edge on!

No more than fifteen minutes into my masturbatory therapy, multiple alarm bells began to blare with multi-colored lights flashing in more ways than even I could manage. After what seemed like hours of ear-splitting WWII air raid warnings, there was a sudden, eerie silence. A calm before the storm? Soon a familiar sound -or rather voice- began repeating the same five words over and over again. I knew that voice... but how could Santa have come into its possession?

Echoing through the workshop at triple digit decibel levels was the unmistakable drone of Professor Hawking's old voice synthesizer: "open masturbation not permitted.... open masturbation not permitted... open masturbation....." A bit rude, I thought. Obviously reindeer games were not the sole form of amusement forbidden here in tinsel city.

Being caught openly masturbating in Santa's workshop was certainly a first for me, and with no opportunity to defend my actions or ability to appeal their decision, I was simply handed a red 3x5" card containing two gold-embossed words needing no further explanation:

 NAUGHTY LIST 

We're not taught this as kids. We know reindeer fly more rapidly than eagles. We know rising up a chimney requires a nod (post finger-lain-aside-nose). We know that mice sleep through Christmas Eve. But nobody ever mentioned that we can't jerk off in Santa's workshop.

Birthday Suit 2023

Perhaps a bit wrinkled, but at least it still fits!

by JSVnaked

My official 2023 birthday [#58] nude pic! Photo taken by my friend Tony Montana at one of our recent naked parties. 

Unfortunately, the birthday suit is the same as previous years but despite the wrinkles it still fits okay.

Have you taken naked pics to mark the years? When did you start? Share your story in the comments.

By the way, I've decided to spend more time on some of my blog  sites. Some (like this one) have been around for years, while others (such as Mastodon) are new. New or old, I admit to their neglect - so it's time to start writing! Stay tuned.

May is for Masturbating

 May is International Masturbation Month. Truth be known, I had assumed every month was masturbation month - but I stand corrected. Sounds serious, so we must come together and all do our parts. I'm doing my part right now. You do your part. Then, just for good measure, you can do his part. Later we can try doing both of our parts together! 

Wild Window Wanks

Window Masturbation: My Favorite Sport?

by JSVnaked

During a recent online chat, one fan asked if I enjoyed masturbating in close proximity to open windows and, if so, how often I've done it. My answer to the first question was an enthusiastic and unequivocal 'yes', but the second drew a complete blank. Definitely more than dozens. No, it would have to be in the hundreds. Maybe five hundred. It couldn't be in the thousands... could it?

Though unknowable, this truth is not imponderable. His question made me think about the kinks I enjoy: why I enjoy them, how I enjoy them, what or whom may have inspired them and, more interestingly, their moment of genesis.

My very first ejaculation occurred at the objectively advanced age of twelve. Feeling abnormally lascivious one morning, I had feigned illness to stay home from school with the singular goal of playing with my penis until at least mid-afternoon. Once family members had departed for work and school my scheme engaged.

Stripped naked, I made my way to our family room and the overstuffed comfiness of one large couch facing our front window with its yard and street view. Neighbors were all at work and not a concern. I alternated playing with my penis and balls, determined to enjoy myself and my naked day.

Two or three hours into my fun my penis was still hard and I would lay back, completely relaxed, massaging my penis. I had never noticed before, but it kept feeling better and better, as though some kind of pressure was building. I kept going. Unaware of what 'edging' even was, I was nevertheless doing it fairly well. As I played, another unknown -orgasm- was getting closer and closer to the point of no return.

Remember those neighbors all at work? Seems I forgot one guy... the postman!

 At this point, "wankus-interruptus" is not a viable option, and he's heading up the walk to put letters in the mailbox just outside the window I'm fully exposed at.

Can't stop though... what an incredible new feeling!

Directly in front of the window, he turns his head and is understandably surprised to see a teenage boy furiously masturbating in front of him.

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night may stay these couriers.
(and an inaugural sexplosion brought swift completion to my own appointed rounds!)

Almost a religious experience at the age of twelve, this "fap-mitzva" was more than a step toward manhood, it was a lodestar - literally and figuratively the seminal event to define my sexual development and arouse its fetishes.

In one instant, no less than six elements converged to set themselves in stone as my lifelong kinks:

• walking around naked whenever possible;
• edging / prolonged masturbation;
• jerking off in front of open window;
• exhibitionism in front of somebody else;
• getting caught; and
• ejaculation

 All my kinks happened all at once!

* * *

BACK TO THE BEGINNING... Ultimately, the fan question about window wanks resulted in me relating a story about my first cum, which he seemed to enjoy. In my own mind, that story brought back images of my 1978 family home. Then I started listing all my previous residences and many more previously half-forgotten naked adventures came back. Each of those apartments, condominiums and houses saw many naked shows at windows, on balconies, upon rooftops or in front yards.

The FLASHPOINTS blog series tells the exhibitionism story, but with images of the actual places I lived so the reader can feel part of the story. It's not like these stories happened last summer... my age thirteen is now four decades ago! So before any more decades pass I had best write down as many of these exhibitionism experiences as I can for you to enjoy. Stay tuned!

J

The Show Must Go On

A True Roommate Experience

by JSVnaked

During my 20s and 30s, I enthusiastically put on a sexual window show at least two or three times each week: usually late at night with windows open and lights on. I'd get naked either in the living room or my bedroom or right outside on the balcony and start jerking off. Whether naïve, bold or just plain crazy, it was always from home.

My kink was a favorite ritual, which I felt roommates should be advised of from the outset due to the high probability of their eventual walk-in on some evening's auto-amorous festivities. Incredibly, every roommate I ever had - gay or straight - was cool with it. Some advised caution; most shrugged "whatever turns you on."

Over many years there were, surprisingly, only a handful of unexpected outcomes. Most were predictable and almost cliché, but, to this day, two performances seem to continually stand out as being able to arouse what I call my internal exhibitionist's "flash drive." I'll share the first one, and save the second for another day. Enjoy!

The night either ended or began after I came home from a gay club at around 1:30am. My roommate at the time, a few years older, was still out dancing - although I hadn't realized that when arriving home because his bedroom door was closed. Assuming he was asleep, I felt it was a perfect time to strip and put on a naked show in the living room window. I got comfortable on the couch, turned on the lights and opened the curtains. The large window looked directly across the street to a 7- or 8-floor building with many suites in direct view.

Wank to your heart's content, naked John!

I enjoyed these performances very much (still do, in fact) and would frequently go at it for an hour or two. After about sixty minutes of play, I was so deeply immersed in loving my penis that I failed to hear the apartment door open and my roommate come home. The living room was a mere 15 feet down the hall from the front door, but no sound of key or chain or footprints registered. He walked right into the living room and caught me red-handed!

In-and-of-itself that would have marked the realization of a pretty good fantasy, but the wonderful part of the story is that he didn't bat an eye. Instead, he mixed himself a drink, sat down in an armchair next to the very couch upon which I was laying completely naked massaging my erect penis, and began talking about the fun night he just had with friends. At one point he got up to close the curtains, but I quietly indicated "no, leave them open" and I think he then understood what my kink was all about.

He continued talking. I continued stroking. We chatted for another 30 or 45 minutes about nothing and everything - him clothed in the armchair, me naked and masturbating on the couch. It was a good load of cum that eventually worked its way up and out of a by-then-red dick and onto my chest. Afterwards, life carried on as if what had transpired that evening had been nothing out of the ordinary. I began feeling free enough to walk around the apartment naked in front of him, and he never indicated any feeling of discomfort towards me. We were roomies for almost two years, and I look back at that period as being a healthy one important for both my self-confidence and sexual development as a proud and open exhibitionist.

J